


Yearning

by whatsacleverusername



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Co-workers, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, Lots of it, M/M, Past Tense, Pining, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Short, Short but Not So Sweet, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, pre-emotional constipation, we all know Jon is full of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsacleverusername/pseuds/whatsacleverusername
Summary: Sometimes you can't sleep and end up writing pre current time angst.
Relationships: Jonathan Crane & Bookworm
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Yearning

Yearning. Noun. A tender or urgent _longing_. A feeling of intense _longing_ for something or someone. A deep, heartfelt _longing_. 

Edwin knew many such poetically inclined words and their definitions, and could easily put them into examples reflective of everyday life. It was part of his job, after all, given he was an English professor. The mass amounts of romantic poetry he had read in his own time was inconsequential. Even still, he never expected to have such a firsthand example, and yet Edwin had felt this _longing- **yearning**_ ever since he first spent a lunch break with the bright young man, ever since the soft spoken individual offered to substitute for him on his one day off, ever since he had brought him a cup of handmade soup after commenting it smelled lovely. Ever since Jonathan spent the night in his guest room, recently evicted from his own apartment and practically freezing out in the snow when Edwin found him, and yet still insisted he shouldn’t stay as he didn’t want to be an inconvenience until they got inside. Christ, he realized he must have felt something for him as early as when he and Linus got him a job as the latter’s teaching assistant during his last year of college, certainly impressed with his prowess and passion when he was but a student. That was two and a half years ago, through which Jonathan had graduated with his masters and taken over the role of psychology professor, and Edwin had only grown more enamoured by the kind, intelligent, positively _gorgeous_ man.

Two and a half years. That’s long enough to wait, isn’t it? As he hesitated outside Jonathan’s classroom, eyeing the hands on his watch as he fidgeted with the buttons of his vest, Edwin began to doubt that very much. Should he have been doing this, so soon, mere hours after the school day ended? Would it even be proper to ask a coworker out? Edwin never stayed after this long, Jonathan usually being the last in the building as he finished up his work. _What if he says no? Is four years too much of an age gap? What do I do if-_

Cutting that thought short, Edwin nearly jumped out of his skin as the door to the classroom opened, Jonathan pausing in the doorway to fix him with those mesmerizing, pale blue eyes. Instead, Edwin felt all the color drain from his face as he smiled nervously, glancing at his watch again.

“Professor Kingor?” Jonathan asked quietly, a tone of concern in his gentle voice. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine!” Edwin answered, much too quickly. “Just- Took a wrong turn, that’s all. I must be more exhausted by the day than I had thought.”

“You look awfully pale,” Jonathan observed. “Er- More than usual, I mean. Are you certain you're feeling well?”

_He’s already worried. It’s a lost cause. Do I really look that pale? Is that acceptable? Oh, god-_

“No, no, I’m quite alright,” Edwin assured with a more convincing smile. Slightly. Only for a moment. “However, I- I was meaning to, um, talk to you, now that I think about it.”

“Oh,” Jonathan said simply with a small, pouty lipped frown, yet nevertheless stepped aside to offer Edwin entrance to his classroom.

“Not to worry, it’s nothing dreadful,” Edwin said, forcing his legs to move lest he offend. The butterflies in his stomach would have to go unattended until later.

Nodding in acknowledgment, Jonathan leaned against his desk, allowing Edwin room to do so as well. When he didn’t move beyond three feet of the door stop, Jonathan straightened his posture once more, clasping his hands behind his back and patiently waiting for Edwin to speak, completely unaware of his preoccupation with the quickening of both his heart and breath.

Finally clearing the lump from his throat, Edwin managed to say, “it’s- Come to my attention that we’ve worked together for nearly five semesters now, and have known each other through the years they’ve stretched. I- Would like to think of us as friends.”

“I would like to as well,” Jonathan said, a lovely, if small, smile gracing his face. “I don’t have… I would like to think so.”

It hurt to see and hear what was done and said to Jonathan by their colleagues, people Edwin was too timid to cross in any meaningful way. It truly did. He’ll be sure to fix that.

Pushing those thoughts away for the time being, he continued, “over this time, I’ve- Grown rather attached to you. I… _Care_ for you. Immensely.”

“…Are you…?” Jonathan asked, brows knitted together.

“I love you,” Edwin stated.

They stared at each other for a long, tense, horribly silent moment until Jonathan, voice slightly shaking, asked, “is- Is this a joke? You- I _thought_ you were-”

“This isn’t a joke, I would never do that to you,” Edwin said. “I-I’m being truthful. _I love you_.”

“I…” A bright pink beginning to spread across his face, Jonathan quickly looked to the floor. Very quietly, he said, “I d-don’t- I’m a straight man. I can’t like-… No.”

All at once, a heavy weight slammed into Edwin’s chest and something within it tightened unbearably so, pain shooting through him like poison in his veins. Even still, he tried to maintain a calm demeanor, smiling and trying to form words yet they seemed unwilling to cooperate.

“Friends it is, then,” Edwin finally spat out with a nervous, disingenuous chuckle.

Glancing up just long enough to nod in agreement, Jonathan made his way to the other side of his desk, sitting down and turning his attention back to the papers waiting there. Taking that as his cue to leave, Edwin attempted a goodbye, but once again found himself tongue tied. Slowly leaving, as if afraid to make a noise now that he was fully speechless, he quietly closed the door behind him before walking through the empty halls, collecting his things and stepping out into the dimming city, the street lights just beginning to turn on. He made it four blocks before he broke down crying, hiding his face in his hands as he sat on a lonely bench. Part of him knew he was foolish for even trying, for even thinking Jonathan could be- He could never be that lucky. He was foolish to think otherwise. That fact doesn’t change the aching sting in his heart or the hot tears in his eyes. Common sense is rarely used outside of retrospect.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually write past tense lmao.


End file.
